It’s a fast-paced, chaotic world. For many people, the idea of “living in the moment” seems as attainable as “not worrying about money” or “reaching an ideal BMI.” But it’s worth striving to achieve. Bestselling author and Dr. Venus Nicolino says it’s one of the keys to living a more connected, fulfilling life.
However, she also notes that focusing on the moment requires openness to showing emotions. That’s not something many people do well, at least not in constructive ways. To provide an example of getting it right, Nicolino talks about something she witnessed as a young girl that showed her the power of living in the moment.
“I remember as a fifth grader watching an older girl cry and hug her friend on the last day of school,” Dr V said in a TikTok video. “They would be in high school next and she must have realised things might never be the same. At the time, I didn’t understand her tears. Only now, looking back, can I see what she saw – time slipping away, friends who may not be there after summer ends.”
She later realised that the older girl had grasped something essential at a very young age. “She was paying attention to a small but meaningful moment in her life,” Nicolino said. “Her full attention was on her friend and the life they had known and created together, one bus ride, one s***** school lunch at a time. This girl allowed herself to be vulnerable to a goodbye. She was wholehearted, which has become one of my favourite words.”
Why staying mindful of the moment is so important
The practice of being “wholehearted” involves staying fully engaged with the present, allowing yourself to experience life more deeply and authentically. It means intentionally immersing oneself in the present experience, free from distractions of past regrets or future anxieties. It’s about observing one’s thoughts and feelings without judgement, fostering a state of active, open attention to the present.
Good luck with that, right? But this mindful approach, if practiced frequently, encourages a deeper connection with yourself and the surrounding world. It’s not easy, because it requires people to feel their emotions – even if they’re sad about something coming to an end.
As Dr Venus Nicolino points out, Webster defines wholehearted as “free from all reserve or hesitation.” She added that in the case of the girl she observed, “She turned her emotions loose so they could be fully witnessed and completely felt.”
It’s something Nicolino said she experiences more with age. “As I’ve gotten older, I pay more attention to little moments because I can feel them slipping away,” she said. “And many of the moments – well, I’m watching from the sidelines, so I have time to pause and appreciate what’s going on. Like watching my youngest son play ice hockey or my oldest go on his first date. I’m not on the ice or sharing appetisers with them, so I’m able to simply watch them and feel whatever comes my way.”
Vulnerability leads to deeper connections
Being open to experiencing an important moment, truly paying attention, can open the door to not only happiness but also deep sadness. That’s difficult in a world where people routinely suppress what’s thought of as “negative” emotions such as anger or sadness.
Some of it can stem from childhood. Many kids still carry the admonishments they heard when they were young, such as “You don’t have any reason to be sad” or ”You should be grateful.”
Even while encouraging people to live in a wholehearted manner, Dr. Venus Nicolino acknowledged that it could lead to places some people would rather avoid.
When watching her boys grow up, for example, she said she is simultaneously “in touch with my deep joy over a full life well lived, alongside sadness realising that it’s all running out,” she said. “Is being vulnerable to those feelings scary? No, it’s actually giving me a deeper connection to myself and those I love.”
Dr V is known for her insights delivered in an irreverent style. She tends to disagree with much of the conventional wisdom available on the internet and elsewhere, a topic she tackles in her book, Bad Advice: How to Survive and Thrive in an Age of Bulls–t.
She holds a master’s in counselling psychology and a master’s and PhD in clinical psychology. She offers advice on her TikTok channel and on Instagram, as well as on her “The Tea With Dr. V” podcast.
While she is often known for her humour, anyone who watches the “wholehearted” video can hear the emotion in Dr. Venus Nicolino’s voice. It’s a wholehearted moment. In the comments section of the video, one person wrote, “Sounds like you’re about to cry.”
Dr V responded, “I was.”
This article was written by Psychreg News Team from www.psychreg.org
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